If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
