alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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