fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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