I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
