PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
