perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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