she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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