Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
