would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
