I am spending my child support on dildos
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Who died my cat blue again?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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