1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Randomize
