Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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