I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
