I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
