need another drink. this is the easiest way
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
