Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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