Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
