So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
