turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
