the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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