So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
