I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
