By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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