Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
