so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
