The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
