happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
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