How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
