i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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