Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just invented taco cereal.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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