need another drink. this is the easiest way
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
