so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
