I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
