just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
