Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
