So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
