omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
