just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
