I just made out with a guy for $7.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
