508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
