ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
