I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
