This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
