When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Panties = found
Randomize
