if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
