You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
