oh fat girl friday strikes again...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
