I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
