are you still at the devil's house?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
