I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
