just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
