I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
