and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
